How to write your Wedding Vows

A simple guide to finding the words when there’s rather a lot you could say.

For something so personal, writing your wedding vows can come with a surprising amount of pressure.

How do you sum up an entire relationship in a few minutes? How romantic should they be? Are you supposed to make everyone cry? What if your partner writes three pages and you turn up with six sentences?

The good news is that your vows don’t need to sound like anyone else’s.

They don’t need to be poetic, profound or perfectly written. They just need to sound like you, speaking to the person you’re about to marry.

So, where do you start?

Start with notes, not your vows

Opening a blank document and typing Wedding Vows at the top is an excellent way to suddenly forget everything you’ve ever felt about another human.

Instead, start by writing down thoughts without worrying about how they’ll fit together.

Think about:

• What do you love most about your partner?
• When did you realise this relationship was different?
• What have you been through together?
• What does your relationship look like when nobody else is around?
• What are you most excited about in your life together?
• What do they bring out in you?
• What do you want to promise them?

Don’t edit yourself yet. You’re simply collecting the pieces you’ll eventually turn into your vows.

Tell them why you’re choosing them

Some of the most beautiful vows aren’t filled with grand declarations. They’re specific.

Instead of only saying “You’re my best friend,” tell them what that actually means.

Maybe they’re the person who can make you laugh when everything has gone spectacularly wrong. Maybe they make an ordinary Tuesday feel like somewhere you’d happily stay. Maybe they know exactly how you take your coffee, when you need reassurance, or when you need five minutes without anybody speaking to you.

Those little details are yours.

They’re what make your vows sound like your relationship rather than something you found online.

Make actual promises

They’re called vows for a reason.

Alongside talking about what you love about your partner, think about what you genuinely want to promise them for the life you’re building together.

Some can be meaningful:

I promise to keep choosing us, even when life feels difficult.

Others can be wonderfully ordinary:

I promise to make you coffee in the morning.

And some can make everyone laugh because they’re so specifically the two of you.

A mixture often works beautifully.

Don’t try to sound like someone else

You don’t suddenly need to become a poet because you’re getting married.

If you’re naturally funny together, your vows can be funny.

If you’re sentimental, let them be sentimental.

If you’re both fairly private people, they can be simple and understated.

The words will mean far more when your partner recognises you in them.

It’s also why I’d be careful about borrowing too heavily from vows you’ve seen on TikTok, Pinterest or other weddings. They can be wonderful for inspiration, but the best vows contain details nobody else could have written.

Agree on a rough length

You don’t need to show each other what you’ve written, but agreeing on a rough length beforehand can save you from a slightly awkward surprise at the altar.

You might agree to aim for around one to two minutes each, for example.

It doesn’t need to be perfectly matched. It just helps avoid one person arriving with a beautifully bound novella while the other has four lines written on a card.

You can also agree beforehand on the overall tone. If one of you is planning something deeply emotional and the other has prepared a five-minute comedy set, it’s useful to know that before the wedding.

Give yourself time

Please don’t leave your vows until the morning of your wedding.

Technically, you can. Whether that’s the calm, romantic start to the day you had imagined is another matter.

Start jotting ideas down a few weeks beforehand. You don’t need to finish them immediately. Often the best lines come to you while you’re driving, making dinner or doing something completely unrelated to wedding planning.

Keep a note on your phone and add to it when something comes to mind.

Then sit down and shape everything into your final vows when you already have plenty to work with.

A simple wedding vow structure

If you’re staring at your collection of notes wondering how on earth they become vows, try this:

Start with them

Tell your partner what they mean to you or what you love about the relationship you’ve built.

Share something personal

A memory, a quality you love about them, something you’ve overcome or a small detail that says something bigger about your relationship.

Look forward

Talk about the life you’re choosing together and what you’re excited to experience alongside them.

Make your promises

Choose a handful that genuinely mean something to you.

Finish simply

You don’t need an enormous closing statement. Sometimes the simplest words are the ones that land.

Think of this as a framework rather than a formula. Move things around. Leave something out. Make it yours.

Write them down properly

Once you’ve finished writing, transfer your vows somewhere you’ll actually want to hold and potentially see in your photographs.

A vow book or simple card looks beautiful and means you’re not reading one of the most meaningful things you’ve ever written from the Notes app while notifications flash across your screen.

It also becomes something you can keep afterwards.

And yes, print or write a backup copy. Wedding mornings have enough tiny mysteries without adding “where has my phone gone?” to the list.

Consider private vows

If the idea of sharing deeply personal vows in front of 100 people makes you want to abandon the entire exercise, you don’t have to.

Some couples choose to exchange personal vows privately during their first look, then use more traditional vows during the ceremony.

Others take a few minutes together later in the day, away from everyone else.

Private vows can create one of the loveliest moments of the wedding day because there’s no audience and no pressure to perform. It’s simply the two of you saying what you wanted to say.

Read them out loud before the wedding

This is possibly the easiest thing you can do to improve your vows.

Read them out loud.

You’ll immediately notice sentences that looked beautiful on the page but require approximately four lungs to say.

You’ll also hear where something doesn’t sound quite like you, where you’re repeating yourself or where you naturally want to pause.

Remember, you’re not writing an essay. You’re writing something you’re going to say.

When the moment actually arrives

You might cry.

You might laugh halfway through.

Your voice might shake. You might lose your place. Your partner might interrupt because something you’ve said has made them laugh.

None of that ruins your vows.

Those little imperfections are often what make the moment feel so completely real.

Take your time. Look up from the page. Look at the person you’re speaking to.

You don’t need to deliver your vows perfectly.

You just need to mean them.